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From Heather - SEXUAL ABUSE OF CHILDREN - HOW EASY IT CAN HAPPEN

The mother of the two most recent victims of Kevin Kain

I owe it to my girls and to all children out there to share with you the parents how easily this can happen. There is still a big taboo with people talking about and aknowledging the sexual abuse of children.

I will try to keep the emotions out of it and share the facts Early January our neighbour (a man in his early 60’s) was caught with his hand down F’s (5 yo) pants. He has been abusing both F and Z (nearly 7) for a long time. It started for Z when she was 4. F has also told police that she has seen him touching C (our wee boy 3 ).

We are not neglectful parents…in fact I have been very fussy / careful about where our kids are and who they are with because of my own history. I have had the good touching/bad touching talk with my children at least 2-3 times a year and each time I always ask them directly if anyone has touched them. Yet still they did not tell us.

I have asked myself Why ? Why an earth didn’t they say something? Why didn’t one of them say what was happening?

This is why I am sharing. No matter how open you are, how much you talk about it with your children, even if you ask them directly you can not assume that your kids are safe and that it isn’t happening.

These people who abuse small children are very clever, manipulative, devious. They start touching them when they are young and go slowly over a period of time (grooming). They are friendly and helpful. They seem the perfect neighbour ( or friend or uncle or whatever). We have a 15 yo daughter but he has never approached her in any sexual way….he has preyed on our young children.

This man was your normal friendly neighbour, helpful, living with his partner. He would come over and help mow lawns with his ride on, took my man and kids out fishing in his boat, we had him over for drinks and BBQ’s…he attended the street get to gether every Christmas, fed our animals when we went away, if there was a footy game on my man would take over a few beers and watch it with him, we’d pay him to work on our vehicles…they always came back washed and clean..you get the picture.

He bought a motorised go kart for his partners granddaughter to use when she came for weekends…a kid magnet. It had two seats…the grand daughter would drive and my girls would have turns sitting in the passenger seat…we could see them out the window or from the deck having fun…running around the lawn. But what we didn’t realise was that while one was in the kart he would be in the shed giving sweets to the other and abusing her.

They were also abused when we were present….hence normalising it and making it seem ok because we were there. This happened when he came to help mow our lawn (nearly an acre and a push mower here so his help was very welcome). He would give the kids rides with them sitting on his knee (and of course touching them at the same time). It really gets to me the number of times I have stood on our deck or looked out the window and thought aren’t our kids having fun!!!!

Because of their ages when it started and how it was done, at first they didn’t realise what was happening or that it was wrong. By the time Z realised she just shut down to it. She has told me that she didn’t tell the police everything (she has had two 1 hour long video interviews with them) and she doesn’t want to remember or talk about it so we don’t know exactly what has happened with her. We have taken her to a councellor but she isn’t ready to talk yet. They had a good interview with F and she has told them everything….but then she is younger and not so aware of all the implications.

F had to have a medical examination for them to collect DNA (amongst other invasive stuff). We have chosen not to put Z through the embarrassment and indignity of the medical examination (it is pretty thorough) as it will not change the charges or outcome of the court case.

The thing about all of this is that it could have been prevented. This man is a known paedophile. He has a history. He has been in prison for similar offences on children. Yet no one told us. He and his partner shifted next door about 5 years ago. He was not allowed to live near schools, daycares etc, but there was no monitoring of him moving next door to a family with young children.

The privacy act protects these people so they are free to live next door to families and reoffend again (though apparently there was a law change in 2004 allowing neighbours to be informed.....though this was too late for us as he was out of his supervisory period) According to the police detective there are a lot of known paedophiles living out there in our community…people who have already served time for abuse against children .

Last night I submitted his name to the Sensible Sentencing Paedophile and Sex Offender Database. There is a pathetically small number of people listed there given that 1:5 girls and 1:7 boys under the age of 16 are abused in NZ.

I received an email back from them this morning saying that they would add him and that he was already listed in Deborah Coddington’s New Zealand Paedophile and Sex Offender Index (a book that is available to buy or borrow from the library…..I have not been able to find the index of names online).

Sadly most parents do not read these lists or books until after the fact…when it is too late……and then again …it only names those who have been caught and convicted….not the many more who are out there offending.

He comes up for sentencing in May. He has pleaded guilty so will have time taken off his sentence for a guilty plea !!!!!!!!! He has been in custody since January so no doubt there will be more time taken off his sentence for the time he has already spent locked up.

I am hoping for a good long sentence but the reality is that most offenders get quite short sentences in comparrison to the crime and long term damage that has been done…..more like a slap on the wrists for being naughty.

I’m sorry if this has upset any of you….openned up old memories or pushed any buttons but this is happening every day out in our community to our children.

To give you an idea of how often this is occurring (and these are only the ones who’s offending has been exposed): There is only one place here that they can record the police interviews and they have to have both a specially trained police officer and a social worker present. They managed to squeeze F in for her interview but Z had to wait for over 2 weeks before the room was free to use. And then because she was not keen to talk we had to wait another 2 weeks for them to try again. In the mean-time we were unable to talk to the girls about what had happened for fear of tainting the ‘evidence’ and jepodizing the case. I was shocked about how much the room was in use.

My girls are awesome and brave. They are happy for me to share what has happened to raise awareness and in doing so maybe it will stop this from happening to other young girls and boys. I love you both.xxxxxxx

UPDATE: Sentencing has been referred to the high court and will take place on AUGUST 1st.

The offender's details may be found here